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This is silly, but during my morning routine of checking my Yahoo horoscope and eating my cereal (hey, no judging. I know most of you eat your cereal to the tune of Sponge Bob Square paints!)


I saw the usual annoying ads flash on the pages-the same ones that we ADHD sufferers are drawn to like pirates to a treasure map. Right above the words forewarning me to abandon my usual propensity for routine because no matter how hard I tried it was just not expected to go as planned, I spotted one that really grabbed my attention. I’ve seen the ad before, but for some reason, today it just really struck me as funny and, well, sort of incredible. Not so much the invention of said item being advertised, but the timing of it in light of our ever-increasing, world-advancing, growth and domination over vast and untamed galaxies. I won’t tell you what the ad was for right this second. Let me first elaborate on the history of some of the technology that incredible men and women have labored over in order to make our world the captivating civilization it is today.

Without doing the research to fully appreciate the history of invention, in the last 100 years or so…

We have had the development of flight:

Wright Brother's Plane, flying

-big mechanical, metallic birds that fly thousands of people daily to every destination on this blue marble, and we have seen the advancement of this invention go from the wright Brother’s idea of a skeletal, flim-flamy contraption to the light-shattering, ear-piercing, radar-eluding stealth machines employed by today’s military.

We have also seen the invention of a STAR WARS inspired electrical burning implement with the sole purpose of browning bread in a timely fashion, so as not to burn, but to add anywhere from a lightly golden crust to a charcoal flavored brittle (my mom-mom’s favorite).

Star Wars, toaster,darth vador

(Is there anything more relaxing than a delicious piece of toasted Rye and a creamy, sweet aromatic tea? I didn’t think so either…)

We’ve seen the advancement and improvement of health through the use of laser and x-ray machines, non-invasive machines that photocopy our innards and dissect them into lateral and transverse sections displayed on monitors, preventing the need for exploratory surgery that often resulted in more harm than good.

x-ray machine, CAT scan, modern medicine, healthcare advancement

AND we’ve sent people to the moon…to walk. PEOPLE HAVE WALKED ON THE MOON. Can we still even really wrap our brains around that?

full moon, mad scientist, rocket, rocket scientist

However, before they could even walk on the moon, they had to develop the equipment to get them there. I could not even begin to tell you what that would entail. I would literally need a rocket scientist. Maybe somewhere reading this while choking down his breakfast cereal sits a rocket scientist willing to summarize that endeavor for us.

We have also gone from warehouses full of women operators pulling and plugging in cords, connecting and disconnecting… and gossiping about all the calls they hear all day long… to computers that fit on our wrist.

switch board operators, telephone operators, warehouse, connecting, disconnecting

With a push of a button the size of the tip of an eraser, we can connect in almost every sense of the word (don’t worry, we can’t ACTUALLY reach out and touch someone…yet) with a person thousands of miles away in any direction except hell. Well…maybe hell. Nobody can really be too sure of that. Maybe there is a flat screen plasma on the wall of Hell’s den and Lucifer regularly Skypes his nefarious plans to God and the angel’s above.

smart phones, phone apps, devil, angels, Skype image, flames

Maybe it is easier than the telepathy they have used since time immortal. After all, I imagine there is still room for misrepresentation and interpretation of thought the old way. Besides, if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t have to change from his robe of flames and slippers of burning black coals into the spiffy red suit and pointy black roach-killers we’ve grown to recognize.

So if we have all of this and much, much (MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE)…why then why-oh-why did it take this long for someone to come up with this ground-breaking revolutionary idea!

Mueller's spaghetti pot-sized, stage, bright lights, curtain, stage

How come nobody ever thought about something as simple as making shorter pasta to fit into smaller pots!!! I don’t know about you, but the worst part about making pasta is breaking the damn straw-like daggers in half to fit inside even 10 quart pots of boiling water. Pieces of that stuff fly EVERYWHERE. If you read the small print on a regular box of your favorite spaghetti, it recommends the use of safety glasses during the process of shortening a grip full of the stuff and breaking it. All right, it doesn’t really say that, but I’m pretty sure it should. I have come dangerously close to taking out an eye with that stuff-not my eye- but still…an eye.

Is this not the best thing since sliced bread? Which reminds me…Was the bread slicer invented before or after the toaster?

Hmmmm…I’ll really have to check into that.

Unpublished work © S.L. Davis August 29, 2015; all rights reserved. Article may be linked to or used with contents being rightfully attributed to the writer.

**All illustrations used with public domain photos and Microsoft clip art with the exception of Mueller’s brand spaghetti and General Mills Cheerios and Skype logo. No copyright or trademark violation intended.