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Imagine you are sitting in your office cubicle enjoying your morning brew and sorting through the pages of email. It’s a Monday, but you are feeling great after an incredible weekend at the beach. You’re donning a golden tan and feeling posh in the new outfit you treated yourself to, and then you see it.

“Hey. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Call me. Let’s catch up.” From (does it really matter?)

Suddenly, you groan (yes…out loud).

The neighbor in the cubicle next to you looks up from their work to see what happened and noticed you have gone from an outstanding mood to one of looking almost pained.

You are sitting there with your head on the desk shaking it back and forth. Your spirits have sagged, and you feel ready for a nap. The only problem is, it’s only 9:15 in the morning.

Congratulations! You have been sucked bone dry by an energy vampire.


I know what you’re thinking. I can hear your thoughts. OK, not really, but I know what you are experiencing. I’ve been there many, many times—most often with people I loved. Do you know how grueling family get-togethers can be when there are 1, 2, and sometimes 3 people sitting around the table bleeding you dry?…emotionally speaking, of course.

You start looking for causes; blaming it on a lack of exercise, food allergies, or too many sleepless nights.

“Then what’s happening?” You ask. “Why do I feel so tired when I get around these people? Everybody else seems to be having such a great time. What’s wrong with me?”

Nothing; nothing is wrong with you, provided you are in good health, don’t suffer from food allergies and get plenty of sleep. You are just suffering from an energy imbalance. When it comes to group dynamics, there are two very specific types.

  1. Energy givers
  2. Energy takers.


If you are lucky, you surround yourself with givers; especially if you yourself are a giver. A giver-to-giver combination is a win-win. You give energy by way of support, attention, advice, sympathy, and laughter, and they do the same. There is a simpatico relationship happening.

The trouble begins when you unknowingly or unconsciously surround yourself with takers.

Aunt Marge is groaning about how she was mistreated at the post office by “some lackey who isn’t paid enough to put up with the BS”, Uncle Johnny is poking fun at you in a way that makes you feel a little worthless, and Grandma keeps asking you when you are going to find ‘a good person’ to settle down with.

It all seems innocent enough, right? Only it isn’t. They are acting in a way that is pulling energy from your body (emotionally) and feeding them (also emotionally). Unfortunately, what makes you feel lousy makes them feel good.

A lot of people don’t understand that when we say energy vampire we aren’t suggesting that they bleed us of all our positive energy and then fill us with negativity.  We are just responding to the situation around us in a negative way. The situation isn’t resonating with us, or more importantly, we are responding to it (and them) emotionally. They just drain us of energy period.

This is why it is important to “fill our own buckets” with all the things that make us feel good or that “fill us with positive energy”.

We aren’t really absorbing positive energy, per say, we are just refueling ourselves with a fresh supply of energy by doing something that makes us feel good.

There is, though, the potential of people to cause us to feel negativity because we don’t resonate with them on an energetic level. There are also people who send energy charged with negative intent. It is an outward manifestation of what they are feeling within and charged with emotion, but that doesn’t have to affect us. We choose the way in which we respond to it. This is where detachment comes in.

If we react emotionally to their intent, we are assigning a value to it (i.e. negative) and it is perceived that we are directly affected by their intent. We aren’t.  We are just adding our emotionally charged intent (or response) to theirs.

A wave of energy is contagious in that we have a tendency to spread it around. Someone smiles at you and it fills you with a good feeling (positive energy). Someone else wakes up late, putting them in a miserable mood (negative energy), and suddenly we feel down or drained in their presence. If we choose, that wave of negativity can be stopped in its tracks just by not responding to it (detaching from it).

We make the mental decision to stop the circulation of an emotional response by balancing our energies.

Recognizing this fact alone can help us reclaim our energy and keep it where it belongs…with us.

Next time you face a draining situation, don’t invest emotionally in it and see if that doesn’t make a difference in how you feel afterward.  You might even come to find these situations amusing by seeing them in a different perspective.

Remember, though, it’s ok to respond emotionally to all the positive occasions. In fact, I highly recommend it.

Do this and I guarantee even the pessimistic Peters of the world will learn how to smile with you.




©S. L. Davis; Reiki healings by Susan